I had a dear friend open a discussion with me. We both noticed how we knew what would make us happy but were scared to do so in fear of the judgment around us. THIS HIT HARD. Let’s think about this phrase for a moment: We are scared to be happy because we are worried about what people are going to think about us. I admit, I’m a culprit of this. I find myself scrolling through Instagram and all of the people I wish I could be, or all of the things I wish I could be doing/better at. I am scared to go and do because of my parents and their completely different views on life as well as my own fears. And it all adds up. As you know, my slogan is “Do what makes you happy!” So, how can we do just that? How can we do what actually makes us happy and ignore the judgmental world around us? We all judge, it’s a natural occurrence in our brains while we are analyzing a situation.
However, we have control over what type of judgments we are making, and who they are about. I was pretty decent at being a “positive judger” for a few short weeks. During those few weeks, I was able to allow my brain to process in a way I never had before. I didn’t know that I could focus 80% of my attention to things that were positive and let the negative (mostly) go. I was a much happier person. Then I fell back into the routine where I’m guessing most of us are. Here’s what I learned from those few weeks.
1) How much control over our brains we actually have.
2) That I had the ability to not care about the negatives.
3) I was seeing things in other people, I had never noticed about myself, until I saw it in other people.
What I say in this post is not going to change your brain. It’s not going to reroute your life and suddenly make you happy. But instead, I hope that what you take from it is the power you have. You are you, and that is truer than true. Nia Shanks shared 7 things about how not to care what other people think. I’m going to use of the 7, but add my own description. Here we go: 7 things to do, to try and not care what other people think: The negative comments someone makes is about them, not you.Seriously, they are. The way we often perceive others is how we are viewing ourselves. When people are sharing negative comments about you, they don’t know you, nor do they know the circumstances so how do they have the right to judge you so negatively? Also, why would someone who is living a happy life they are proud of go out of their way to make someone else feel so bad about themselves? Be true to yourself.
Like I have said a few times in this post, YOU KNOW YOU. You know the way your brain works. You know what triggers your anxiety, depression, stress, your negativity. And if you don’t, that’s okay. That is a skill I highly suggest working on. Having the power to self analyze is I believe, THE MOST useful and powerful skill anyone can form. Besides all of the things that happen mentally, you know the styles you like. Your favorite foods, music that gets you dancing, clothing that makes you feel great, etc. YOU KNOW YOU. And you owe it to yourself, to not let you down. You can be your own cheerleader. Yes, I believe sometimes we reach lows that we seriously can not get out of and need other people to help push us up. But every other time, you know you. So believe in yourself. Believe in the power you have as an individual and keep that power close to your heart. If you have the goal of not caring what other people think, you have to start with yourself. This is your one life. (I’m speaking from the perspective of this life is a one time life, and that we won’t have others exactly like this.) What happens in this life is up to you. If you want to live sad, then be my guest. But if you want to live happy, then you do just that!! What other people think on January 15th, 2019, is NOT going to matter in the end.
You do, however, have the power to let it affect how you will live the rest of your life. You can use it to charge your power, or you can let it drag you down. The choice is yours. Perspective is an important skill to have. When you put an idea into perspective, you are allowing yourself to recognize the importance of a situation. And in the end, decide what you are going to do with it. What’s actually the worst case scenario?I was hesitant to share this one because my anxiety has the ability to come up with some terrifying worst case scenarios. But, I’m working on being a little more realistic when it comes to worst case scenarios so keep that in mind… When briefing yourself on a worst case scenario, you are setting yourself to be able to conquer the possible worst event that could happen in a given situation.
Now, when you do this, I encourage you to create a plan of how you would conquer it and how you are going to let yourself feel after it takes place. A lot of the time, worst case scenarios don’t actually happen, but they are always running through our heads (if we are being real). (You can skip to number 5 if you don’t want to hear a story) Heres an example: I recently started working out. I’m still at the beginning stages and feel awfully weak, but it is a goal I set because I know how much my mental and physical health affect one another. BUT, I HATE working out with other people in the room. We have a yoga room in my apartment building that I have been able to workout alone in a couple of times. But in my worse case scenario, some girl who has been working out for a long time and obviously knows what she is doing and her muscles are exploding comes in. And let me tell you, IT HAPPENED. Most of the time I would legit just leave because I was scared of how I was going to react. Here I am, putting my physical weakness out there, for myself even, and I didn’t want anyone else to know about it. But she walks in, huffing and puffing because she’s been going so ham sandwich in the weight room, with her wireless beats that I don’t have, preparing to go even more ham sandwich right next to weak little me. and I was like CRAP.
In that moment, I had to decide if I was going to follow my plan and achieve my goal or not. I, fortunately, was having a good brain day and decided that I wanted to prove to myself that I could continue, what probably seemed like a weak and short workout to her, but was a hard workout for myself. (and I did so I high fives myself but that’s besides the point). You do you, and whatever you want to do, is what you’re going to do. So decide what you want to do. Remove sources of negativity.Any type of social media and toxic people are the first sources of negativity that come to my head. I catch myself scrolling through Instagram and desiring to be like these famous people and legit being negative to myself about how I’m not them. I also have seen so many negative comments are peoples posts. It can, of course, be used for positive and I’m 100% about it!! But watch to see how it’s affecting you and be self aware when you are using it. Don’t be afraid to click that off button if you start to catch yourself in a negative mindset. Also, I stopped watching the news consistently years ago because I couldn’t handle all the negativity going on.
One last one, toxic people. Someone who I used to be very close with, I had to recently create a healthy boundary with. I realized how many negative vibes they were bringing into my life and how they were making me feel so negative about myself. Situations with toxic people tend to be very touchy and it is often extremely hard to find a good boundary. But, follow your gut and do what you feel like is best for YOURSELF because you are you. It is GOOD to be selfish sometimes. Other sources of negativity can be unique to your situation, figure out what they are and get rid of them (the way you feel you should). Trust a few opinions.Feedback is good, especially when we are blinded to it. A possibly situation might include how we are speaking in an intense discussion. We tend to not recognize the tone of voice we are using and someone saying that we are not speaking kindly may be a good opinion to trust. Trust what you know you should probably take into consideration and ignore the rest. Some people just aren’t going to like you, and that’s okay!!We are surrounded by billions of other people on this planet and if you think you can get them all to like you and support every single action you make, let me just be real with you right now… YOU ARE WRONG!!! So so so so so wrong. We just don’t have the ability to please everyone, and that sucks!
But what we do with that knowledge is what actually makes us more “powerful”. Decide how that is going to affect you. If I could make a suggestion, it would be something a long the lines of, just don’t care about what other people think of you in general. Do what it takes to get you to be okay with the fact that not everyone is going to like you. Take the steps you need to start to stop caring about what other people think. We ALL are working on not allowing what others think of us to affect us, and I believe we will struggle with it for the rest of our lives (some more than others and that’s okay). Judgment won’t end. How we perceive the judgement around us, and how we allow it to let it fuel us, is what ultimately will shape parts of our lives. You are you. So LET you be you! In those few weeks I was able to be a close to 80% positive thinker, truly changed my perception about this world. Make a goal, set tasks that will help you get there. Don’t get mad if you goof because we aren’t perfect and that’s okay. Pickup where you left off, dust yourself off, and keep truckin’. If you need to, just start singing Miley Cyrus’s “It’s the Climb” and you’ll feel it in your bones. Or any other song that gets you hyped. Puppies are here just to have a good time. They are here to love and play. They are here to make the environment around them happy. And, I’m pretty sure that they don’t worry too much about what other people think of them. I’m just trying to be like a puppy, really. I love you all. Keep being real my dudes. Do what makes yourself happy!